Fearing Our Power
Intention: rant, empowerment, reminder
CW: chattel slavery, childism, academic brainwashing, ab*se, religious control.
One of my least favorite effects of colonization is that europeans made many Black people fear power.
Really, this wasn't even an intentional tactic europeans had to use (though they did also do this, of course). The way I see it, witnessing the true evil that manifests in the colonizers, drunk with power, is more than enough to scare a person out of wanting any.
During chattel slavery, enslaved Africans were directly taught to fear their power by being instantly, violently punished any time they used it. And if a punishment wasn't happening directly to one person, an example was being made out of another person nearby.
use your power for something other than labor for europeans? -> get punished.
So already, two good reasons not to want anything to do with "power" as a people. The effects have been long-lasting.
I noticed it in myself within the past few years. I had abusers who had completely built themselves around getting and misunderstanding of power. I saw what it meant to them to have it; what it made them do. Being a young person (deprived of holistic respect in society), I was also punished for seeking justice or expressing my power. So, I silently promised myself that I'd never have any part of that and that I would never be like them.
I wouldn't know until a decade later that this promise would leave me voiceless, passive, and ignorant to justice. It kept me away from the ability to fight, which I had needed for so long.
Now that I know how the fear of power looks in myself, I see it in my loved ones and in my wider community. I see it in many of us.
Just like our abusers made many of us afraid of power, colonizers gave (& continue to give) it a horrible reputation. We’ve felt the ways power can be abused more directly and for a longer amount of time than any other group of people on Earth. Realizing our power on a larger scale will be an absolute nightmare for the rest of the world, because we’ve been carrying them all on our backs for centuries-from the bottom of a very heavy ladder. interpersonally & intra-communally it is unacceptable to weaponize power, yes. But that weapon is exactly what we need in relation to those who depend on us being afraid to claim it.
Today, like many of the ways Black people are (kinda) covertly kept in slavery, the instilling of this specific fear continues in quieter ways as well.
In schools, children are rewarded when they ignore the pursuit of justice for their pain, and punished for expressing things like anger, sadness, desire for autonomy, and so on. Anger, especially toward oppressors (staff), is demonized from the second they set foot in the building. Many of us are born knowing when we are wronged; when we're angry and sad because of something that's been done to us. A lot of us are built to seek justice. But the trust in this powerful intuition doesn't stay with us for long after being introduced to euro-centered schooling, where it is slowly, painfully beaten out of us for over 10+ years, not to mention all of the mainstream media given to children that does the same.
Similarly, many "mental health" spaces in the west also steer us away acknowledging our inner power, feeling angry, and justice-seeking. Rather, many therapists stress forgetting the past...forgiving all...and letting things go in the pursuit of “healing”.
Any religion or belief system that insists we forget the past and deny justice is not for us. Christianity was the most direct religious trick employed for our control, but even the belief systems that weren’t used that way are made for people who have not experienced the worst that this world has to offer, like we have. Whether it’s the “forgive and forget” teachings, the promotion of neutrality, or the erasure of “negative” emotions, religions that aren’t made for us are a political, moral danger. Belief systems that are for us will help us regain our strength and step fully into our power where we belong.
Day to day, small-scale, I find it necessary to remind myself that advocating for myself or demanding justice is not what my abusers were doing to me. It’s not “impolite” or “cruel”. They were doing some other shit, and that's not the typa shit I'm on. It's not evil to use power & power is not evil. Evil is evil, though.
Black people using power and seeking LONG-AWAITED justice on a mass scale will never be the same as what was done to us, and we can not let anyone trick us into thinking so any longer.
Love, blessings, and gratitude to those who were able to discover & wield their weapons in our shared history. They did incredible things with their power and showed us what is possible-via violence, revolt, mobilization, communalism, and escape.
Qs for u:
If the word "power" doesn't feel right for you, it might help to change it to "energy" while you read/write. Don't force yourself to answer them all or in any specific order.
What does power mean to you? Who has power, in your opinion?
What's you relationship to power? When do you feel empowered? When do u feel disempowered?
Does power scare you?
Do you tend to run from power or seek it out? Why?
What kind of power are you okay with having?
If you seek out power, where do you try to get it from?
Do you get power in an ethical way?
Who would you be/what would you do if you were more "powerful"?
Who would you be/what would you do if you were less "powerful"?
deep river cross over|2025
