Critical Rebirth
In my youth, I was outspoken, honest, direct, and logical. I voiced my concerns, noticed inconsistencies, and called things out as I saw fit, in pursuit of truth. I was a warrior of truth. I think many children are born this way, before the layers of a lying culture are placed over their righteousness.
I grew up in an house where my criticality was unnerving to those around me. My family was used to keeping things under wraps. & This wasn't something specific to them, really, cuz just about all the other family members and families outside of mine were also (for some reason), ignoring the truth.
It was an enabling environment, where most problems went unresolved.
So whenever I would call things out, notice inconsistencies, or voice a concern, I was either punished, laughed at, or otherwise ignored.
My seriousness was not valued.
My directness was not valued.
The truth was not valuable.
& This, of course, was just an echo of a wider society of avoidance.
So, slowly, my criticality, along with many other things, including my anger & sorrow, were suppressed.
I learned indirectness, complacency, comfort in wrongness, and that lying (to yourself & others) is a good thing to do. Tragic. Not only did this leave me open to danger, but it cut me off from myself, and would later cut me off from others, who couldn't figure out who I actually was under all of those layers. Shit, I woulda loved to know too! But colonizers needed me to never know myself. If people like me, truth-seekers, and justice-bringers knew ourselves how we should, they'd be outta luck in no time.
western culture thrives on avoidance & cognitive dissonance. How else could europeans have colonized and killed so many people without facing true consequences? They need[ed] to deny how disgusting they are[were], avoid doing anything different, and justify torturing people by dehumanizing them, or with a religion that they purposely weaponized & misinterpreted.
But as I continue decolonizing my mind...my true self, who is righteous and fair, is coming back to me. I am being refilled with my nature.
Finally, seeking justice and truth feels like a spiritual necessity again. Finally, I've re-learned that I'm not a bad person for asking someone to do better; for insisting that people's actions have consequences. Finally, I've reconnected with my sense of responsibility. I've regained true integrity, complete with a set of real values that I'd stake my life on.
And it's not perfect. It never will be & I won't expect that of myself. I still spend plenty time in a day fighting my nervous system in order to fulfill the truth of my soul. But it's actually possible now, and my reason for needing to fulfill my truth is now stronger than my fear.
this sharp eye and ear; this power of ethical judgment is what will help me(us) escape, fight, and survive. to see through every trap, always notice the cage we’re in, figure out how to unlock it, and to tear into the flesh of our captors.
Awake, alive, righteous, and (somehow) even wiser than before. I am reborn.
Qs for u:
Have you lost any traits along the way? Which ones?
Would any of those lost traits make you a better community member? A fiercer opponent?
How can you start embodying that lost trait again?
How or why did you let that trait go? Was it taken?
How can you begin re-integrating that trait into your life in a small way? Bigger ways that you can aspire to?
deep river cross over|2025